I sit alone in my bed
Watching as the world moves,
And I am left to wonder
Why I have to choose

A life that is prosperous
Renowned and observed,
Or one that I value
But void and unheard

The books sit in piles around me
I am the altar they choose
To worship at and
In me they lose

All their meaning
Their value and senses
While I sit and try
To not put up my defenses

Another sip,
Another drink.
Please now
Before I reach the brink.

Of exhaustion?
Of strife?
Of survival,
Of life.

My throat is sore
The virus has taken it
My head pounds
But I must sit

If I don’t learn
I lose my chance
One I have been
Trying to enhance

These books should help me
And I continue to fight
Because without my choice
What can I do right

Write
What I truly wish
To do and love and
Try and oh so miss

Making a world
Deep in my head
Instead of being here
Studying in my bed

The sickness has taken
My lungs and nose
Next take my muscles
I can handle losing those

Maybe then I don’t
Need to reach the exam
To continue with a future
That doesn’t have a plan

I feel it crawling
Up my throat
My aching voice
Will barely croak

Or make a sound
To tell someone
For without this mark
I am undone

Study, study!
Make this your pain
I don’t have an option,
To write here again.

-EH

Photo taken by Isabella Kurniawan